It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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