That's intense
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
