Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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