Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
