I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
