Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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