this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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