Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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