I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
