and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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