guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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