Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
