well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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