i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
