i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
