I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
