I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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