I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
