so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
