Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
