Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
