Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
