I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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