just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
