i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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