In the future we'll all be gay
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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