dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
