Apparently you make a good broom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
