i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
