Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
