Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
