So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just want to make out with him forever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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