I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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