I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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