I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
