dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
