I think I won the penis lottery.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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