dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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