i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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