Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
