i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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