She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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