you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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