Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
