Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
