Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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