Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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