theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
