Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it because I queefed?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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