the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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