wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
