Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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