He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
