What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
