It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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