There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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