8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
