Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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