i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
