so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
