I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
