Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you inspire me to be a worse person
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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