he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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