Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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