Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
