I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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