fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
