It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
