I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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