either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
