Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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