I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
