I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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