Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
