at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
