maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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