happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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